Bala chitpa to me is ( sorry, was) the toothy manifestation of selflessness. A seamless wide grin that was as disarming as infectious... ever clad in his shapeless elbow-sleeved white Kurta ( we named this Bala chitpa kurta every time we saw anyone wearing a sleeve that reaches the elbow) , his very presence brought me a sense of warmth, care and a strange sense of being safe and protected. Not a single wedding or function seemed complete without his imposing, assuring yet unassuming presence. Particularly during my school and college days I recall how he was not only a caring, concerned elder but neatly rounded off as a friend in whom I could confide in. He caught me smoking when he appeared out of the blues on a summer afternoon and I promptly dropped the butt and pleaded with him to forgive me...by tugging on to his elbow-long white sleeve as he kept walking the length of the Trichy Main Guard Gate. And I remember how with misty eyes he spoke about my late dad and all the while consciously led me to Vasantha Bhavan and ordered puris which he knew were my favourite... His emotion had a mystifying quality!
Cut to NOW! I knew he was bedridden and I knew he would have loved to see me by his side visiting him and I knew he was in his last miserable days and yet I could not visit him. I will not be able to get rid of this guilt. And as before he will forgive me again...not with Vasantha bhavan puris... but with his blessings from the Peaceful heavenly abode he finally will be in now...
Love you and will miss you Balachitpa...there will be none like you again on this earth..!
Will ever remain your dear Ravi.
Chitpa...Do you hear me?
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Matri-Money
Marriages are sure made in Heaven..yes, the choultries get decorated to resemble one! I attended atleast two marriages in the last week. The one later was a sixtieth birthday-cum-marriage celebration. I saw happily bonded couples whispering silent endearments to each other while the crowd looked on merrily... most of them being reminded of their own marriages when they sat centerstage. It was a sight to see the bride of the 60 year old groom in tears at the precise hour of muhurtham whereas the new bride last week seemed radiant and could not conceal her delight. I was wondering if it should have been the other way round. But then emotions also change with the times!
Two full days of hectic pomp, gaiety, pagentry and feasting marked each of these weddings. Like beasts we ate unmindful of the very short intervals between each of those eating bouts. A free for all...you only gain a few inches accross the waist and have nothing to lose. Even in this kind of a simple traditional wedding the father of the bride unhesitatingly takes it upon himself to blow away a princely sum of say Rs 25 lacs. He further tells me that it is the minimum price tag for an avergae middle class wedding. Not to mention what entails thereafter for the bride's father. Like the father of the bride in the 60th birthday wedding. He looked gracefully bereft of any valued possession save some emotion at ideal intervals during the rituals.
These raging thoughts brought me to a standstill. The rest of the festivities seemed to me like watching a movie unfold. My mind grappled with the enormity of the task that I seem to have on hand...right there! I have a 26 year old daughter and a one month old bank balance...if I wipe clean the total 9 ornamental bank accounts both I and my wife hold ! Some equation this!!!! And to think that I am always between jobs in the last two years. And of the post I just relinquished before leaving on this multiple matrimonial sojourn!
I must save from now and in the next four months or so raise if not twenty five atleast fifteen lacs... I must look for a paying job and a flexible employer.And Heaven for an Alliance for my daughter.
Matrimony Matrix. It is a Matter-of-Money!!!
Two full days of hectic pomp, gaiety, pagentry and feasting marked each of these weddings. Like beasts we ate unmindful of the very short intervals between each of those eating bouts. A free for all...you only gain a few inches accross the waist and have nothing to lose. Even in this kind of a simple traditional wedding the father of the bride unhesitatingly takes it upon himself to blow away a princely sum of say Rs 25 lacs. He further tells me that it is the minimum price tag for an avergae middle class wedding. Not to mention what entails thereafter for the bride's father. Like the father of the bride in the 60th birthday wedding. He looked gracefully bereft of any valued possession save some emotion at ideal intervals during the rituals.
These raging thoughts brought me to a standstill. The rest of the festivities seemed to me like watching a movie unfold. My mind grappled with the enormity of the task that I seem to have on hand...right there! I have a 26 year old daughter and a one month old bank balance...if I wipe clean the total 9 ornamental bank accounts both I and my wife hold ! Some equation this!!!! And to think that I am always between jobs in the last two years. And of the post I just relinquished before leaving on this multiple matrimonial sojourn!
I must save from now and in the next four months or so raise if not twenty five atleast fifteen lacs... I must look for a paying job and a flexible employer.And Heaven for an Alliance for my daughter.
Matrimony Matrix. It is a Matter-of-Money!!!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Medi-date
This is another of those days that frequent me again. Times of sheer despair.You cannot describe this special degree of 'low' that you experience. It stresses, suffocates and stifles you both mentally and physically too. Somebody engineers this from somewhere and you cannot pinpoint who. But you have a ready list of suspects with one or two of them surely topping the list.
And as is my wont I begin to experience deep spirtual awakenings from within. Maybe this is the inbuilt, involuntary mechanism that guides us all to seek the 'self' to get the required relief. The suspects in your list cannot invade the privacy of your private religious domain and influence the Almighty to further dampen your spirits, right? I then seek the next best advocated route of meditation. Transcedental or otherwise.
Meditation as a process is so fascinationg to read or hear someone speak about. I meet many who declare that they meditate at will. And all of them tell me the same. It's easy with regular practice. Close your eyes. Sit relaxed and erect. And concentrate on nothing except an imaginary light straight ahead. And let the mind travel and gradually let the thoughts drift by and then... At this point they fail to convey anything. They say Peace envelopes you thereafter. And when I do all the above every conceivable thought ranging from the perverse to the inane pass through my mind with some of them so static that I need to force myself out of this imagined trance to come back to reality. I have always felt that during my non-meditation times ( sorry attempts! ) I think straight. There sure is instant relief after these attempts to examine and experience the abstract, or the occult? Escapism of a kind...?
It is easier to suffer the turmoil that my list of suspects silently heap on me than go through the motions of a self inflicted spirtual sojourn. When reality poses a problem meditation further confounds and compounds it. And that is my humble conclusion. I will go to work again tomorrow, yes!
And as is my wont I begin to experience deep spirtual awakenings from within. Maybe this is the inbuilt, involuntary mechanism that guides us all to seek the 'self' to get the required relief. The suspects in your list cannot invade the privacy of your private religious domain and influence the Almighty to further dampen your spirits, right? I then seek the next best advocated route of meditation. Transcedental or otherwise.
Meditation as a process is so fascinationg to read or hear someone speak about. I meet many who declare that they meditate at will. And all of them tell me the same. It's easy with regular practice. Close your eyes. Sit relaxed and erect. And concentrate on nothing except an imaginary light straight ahead. And let the mind travel and gradually let the thoughts drift by and then... At this point they fail to convey anything. They say Peace envelopes you thereafter. And when I do all the above every conceivable thought ranging from the perverse to the inane pass through my mind with some of them so static that I need to force myself out of this imagined trance to come back to reality. I have always felt that during my non-meditation times ( sorry attempts! ) I think straight. There sure is instant relief after these attempts to examine and experience the abstract, or the occult? Escapism of a kind...?
It is easier to suffer the turmoil that my list of suspects silently heap on me than go through the motions of a self inflicted spirtual sojourn. When reality poses a problem meditation further confounds and compounds it. And that is my humble conclusion. I will go to work again tomorrow, yes!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Muse, excuse!
There have been times in the past when I have felt lost. Many times for that matter. And every time I felt low I reached for a sheet of paper and wrote poetry. I felt better or atleast I thought poetry as a remedial measure was soothing during difficult times. I picked words that reflected my thinking and tweaked them around... and with rhyme and rhythm neatly introduced... a work of art was born. Or so I thought!
And soon I recovered from my depression. And celebrated my newly created lyrical gem with select cronies who were my first circle of friends and relatives ever ready with their praise. And I always chose such guys with care. I surely wanted no accomplished poets in my circle. I was clear. My followers need to be simple and just about reasonably well read in order to understand and appreciate the dexterity with which someone wrote in the English language. And particularly poetry. And if perchance I had an intellectual for a friend ( I seem to have a ghastly lot of them these days, not by choice though!)i never brought the topic of poetry to him. I knew my onions about relationships, you see...?
And cut to today.... those bad depressing times but of a different breed altogether seem to be heading only in my direction all over again..regardless of purpose. After Iago I see some motiveless malignity at work again!
When the soul is thus tormented I now seek to blog. It is easy! And refreshing! Everybody blogs. Not all of them are well read to become critics. There is assured anonymity and therefore safety with those who do not know you. And with those who do.. you should not disclose you blogged.
When poets become bloggers, you bet, they need followers sure! Hey, my old cronies where are you? I need to seek the help of my young daughter now to trace those blighters through some 'old alumni' prompts of one of those darned websites that will bring back memories of the infernal institution that tutored us thus..
Ofcourse I need followers. Reasonably well read undergraduates with a set of adjectives that can pass of as comments that commend a work of art. Anybody around...?
And soon I recovered from my depression. And celebrated my newly created lyrical gem with select cronies who were my first circle of friends and relatives ever ready with their praise. And I always chose such guys with care. I surely wanted no accomplished poets in my circle. I was clear. My followers need to be simple and just about reasonably well read in order to understand and appreciate the dexterity with which someone wrote in the English language. And particularly poetry. And if perchance I had an intellectual for a friend ( I seem to have a ghastly lot of them these days, not by choice though!)i never brought the topic of poetry to him. I knew my onions about relationships, you see...?
And cut to today.... those bad depressing times but of a different breed altogether seem to be heading only in my direction all over again..regardless of purpose. After Iago I see some motiveless malignity at work again!
When the soul is thus tormented I now seek to blog. It is easy! And refreshing! Everybody blogs. Not all of them are well read to become critics. There is assured anonymity and therefore safety with those who do not know you. And with those who do.. you should not disclose you blogged.
When poets become bloggers, you bet, they need followers sure! Hey, my old cronies where are you? I need to seek the help of my young daughter now to trace those blighters through some 'old alumni' prompts of one of those darned websites that will bring back memories of the infernal institution that tutored us thus..
Ofcourse I need followers. Reasonably well read undergraduates with a set of adjectives that can pass of as comments that commend a work of art. Anybody around...?
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Back to my bungling blogging again today...
....Vow!!! and after two years or more since I created this blog spot I rejuvenated this aspect of the fidgetting that I generally do with my blessed lapotop. Thanks to Sandhya, my easy to maintain wife ( she helps without charging ! ), I suceeded in putting all the bits and pieces together.. sorry she did... and am all set to revert to my good old figetting passion all over again.
Not that I was a professional blogger anyway.... i blogged only once and I admit it was also not viewed by anyone except me thrice later and yes ofcourse Sandhya. But now I propose to pour my thoughts out every now and then and with the kind of flow my creative juices experience i will have no better medium to spill forth and format at leisure...
Look forward folks....with bated breath as they say ....to my lyrical and other valuable outbursts in the days to come. And after reading leave behind your thoughts ( Can't be bad anyway!!! ). I need to measure and monitor my readership, you see!!!!
Catch you all soon....
Rtrak....
Not that I was a professional blogger anyway.... i blogged only once and I admit it was also not viewed by anyone except me thrice later and yes ofcourse Sandhya. But now I propose to pour my thoughts out every now and then and with the kind of flow my creative juices experience i will have no better medium to spill forth and format at leisure...
Look forward folks....with bated breath as they say ....to my lyrical and other valuable outbursts in the days to come. And after reading leave behind your thoughts ( Can't be bad anyway!!! ). I need to measure and monitor my readership, you see!!!!
Catch you all soon....
Rtrak....
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